I recently made a new friend she has identical twin boys. She had them 30 minutes apart, one vaginally and one emergency C-section. The C-section twin stayed in ICU for days.
Forward to now, 13 years later, I am over there and on that particular day it was the school dance – we had taken the boys to eat dinner. These twins are very hard to tell apart. Last year the youngest twin (I will call Luke) decided to change his hair so people could tell them apart. It worked until the day of the dance and then the other twin (I will call Lark) got his haircut the same way as his brother.
It was hard for everyone again! After the dance we are all at their home talking and playing pool. I am talking with the twin that has always had the shorter hair and he says he is mad at his brother because he went and got his hair like his. Being an identical twin, I completely knew what he was going through. I remember being in middle school striving for my own identity. I don’t think it bothered my sister as much or that was my prospection. Luke and I just sent some time discussing this situation. I felt like I could really understand his frustration.
The next morning early, his mom called me and she said I need your help. After everyone left the night before Luke and Lark get in an argument about the hair. Luke said that is my style and you shouldn’t have gotten the same haircut. The mom chimes in and proceeds to tell him he is lucky to be here he almost didn’t live and he should be grateful – his hair is no big deal. Luke says, “You don’t understand, you aren’t a twin.” After finishing his statement, Luke went to his room.
When she called me she said, “I guess I don’t understand… can you help me?”
I explained how important identity is especially at that age and thereafter. By the time I was a teenager I was sick to death of everyone assuming we were the same person. If boys liked one of us they just assumed they would like both of us and try one for a date first and then the other.
I tried to stress this importance especially more for Luke and just listen to him and help him.
To all parents that have identical, they need to have their own identity and it starts at HOME.
The sad thing is parents start so early in making sure the twins or multiples look exactly alike because it is so cute. If you look at social media almost every set of multiples seem to dress alike. Parents this is how it starts! Just think about that, you are giving them the same identity that will be a struggle for the rest of their life. I love being a twin, but sometimes one twin can be put in the background. Let’s not compound it by making them look like one person!